Sunday, June 04, 2006

TOW ... Wats Up ?

i think i found it.
3.8 billion years after THE creation , it took jus 4 years for a bored undergrad to find out ... the purpose of life !
it surprises me , tat i'm the first one to figure it out .
cuz every place i go , everywhere , everyday , everytime , everyone seems to be askin the question . THE question .
I've no doubt , tat we were created to find THE answer to THE question .
the most fundamental question .
the final question .
the ONLY question ....


infact rite from single celled organisms , to duck billed platypus , to apatosauruses and velociraptors , to cows and cats and dogs and mice ... and homo and hetero sapiens ... everyone has been tryin really hard to find the answer to the ULTIMATE QUESTION of LIFE . ( im sorry mr doug adams , i think u got the wrong ques )

the bad news is that, so far no one seems to ve found the answer .

which is why for the past 700 million years .... in the oceans, in the seas, in the skies, in the woods, in prisons, in country pubs, in urban workplaces, in college campuses, on messengers , on orkut .... every time two livin beings meet , they ask one another, in the despearte hope tat the other person mite kno THE answer ... answer to WAT IS UP ?

ever seen a street dog, runnin behind a speeding car, chasin it and barking for no apparent reason ?
wat do u think is it sayin ?
i thik its tired of its meaningless existence and checkin if the driver mite know the answer . THE answer .
"hey! bow wow wow wat , wat , wat is up ? wat is up ? wat ? wat ? wow wow bow wow "

or cows looking at the skies and mooing ?
they are sick of their bovine life , tats why they are lookin up and askin , "wat is up ? wat is up goddamnit !! "

or the silhoutted wolf, wit the huge moon in the background , goin ... whoooooo !
" wats is up u big fat round wite thing ? u must know? wat is UUUUP ? wat ? wat , whaaao, whaaaoooo ..... "

or crows flyin about aimlessly crowin in unison ?
" we are already up ? wat the hell's up ? i cant go any higher ? hey jake do u see anytin here ? do u know wat is up ? "

or snakes hissing ... " hhhhzzsup? hhhhsup? sup? sup? hhhzzzup? hzzz..... "

and i'm guessin once we find THE answer to THE question , we can do away with the other activities we invented to kill time during our search for the truth ; activities more meaningless than life itself , like education-matrimony-religion-wave convolutions etc etc etc .

untill then . keep diggin ...

and oh , now tat we are on the topic ....
note to denizens of the universe : " guys , i do not know THE answer . tell u wat , if i ever find out , i'll call u meself and tell ya . so untill then pls don ask me , everyday of me meaninless life .... wat is up ?"


Monday, February 20, 2006

TOW .... Pandora's Box

I wake up .
I go out to the balcony , to inspect how the peaceful street of the suburban dwelling i live in , welcomes this pleasant february morning .
I take a deep breath , the coolish yet warm moisture filled air fills up my lungs , yet it feels like i'm fuelling my brain as i close my eyes and picturize the blood carrying the O2 flowing through the arteries and waking up neurons on the way , like a friendly female warden in some young boys dormitory .
I feel good .

Then I sit on the clubsofa , with hot tea in an earthen mug . I love that mug ; its curves , its color , the fact that its earthen .
The steam condenses on my glasses making everyting foggy . I clear that with the edge of my tee shirt .
The same steam makes its way through my partially open nostrils and deposits the miniscule amt of caffiene it carries , right on my medula oblongata .
I'vent even sipped the cuppa , yet it feels like i'm on speed !!
Then i taste the brownish hot sweet liquid , the sweetness - the caffiene - the heat , everyting working in combinatuion charge up my dead tongue . i can feel the caffiene being absorbed by the small pores of my tongue and entering the bloodstream .
aaaah ! heaven .
the hot liquid makes its way through the foodpipe , i can sense its movement as it settles in the stomach .
i feel good .

and then like a perfunctory ritual , i open the pandora's box !!
and things arent the same anymore .

TV . perhaps the cruelest invention , for any 20 smthn american sitcom watchin sane indivisual in chennai !

channel one : news
channel two : news
channel three
: news
channel four : free porn !! oh no-no that was the sex racket uncoverd in some sting op by a private news channel . so , news yet again ! damn !
channel five : news
channel 92 : news

all is see in these bajillion news channels ....

muslim fanatics with the cartoon row ,
hindu extremists wit their fight for a fictious character ,
politicians playing their wicked games in the open ,
witless morons deciding the education system ,
meaningless rules set by ridiculous demented authoritarians .....

channel 93 :

finally , a non news channel !! phew !
the sets look bright and fresh and young .
looks like some talk show .
two females .
wow , one has amazing legs .
damn , its some astrology show .

channel 94

a bearded half naked guy talking about ....

( ... talking about something i dont wait to listen . i know its something about a book that was written a zillion yrs ago by an unknown author , interpreted in the wrong way and broadcasted to a huge audience , all dangling on the edge of their declining years , listening to the way life must be lived ! )

channel 95

some jerk performing miracles !!
why the hell is he shaking ?
okay and the limped guy ( paid actor , i suppose ) can now walk ! yay !! praise the lord !
how can so MANY ppl be so stupid ?!
ok , the cadence of his speech is making my ears bleed , so...

channel 96

domestic set .
rich family .
traditional daughter in law , with handmade saree , soft and sweet speech .
enter the vixen : green eyes , no blue . magenta ? yup . magenta eyes . thick black streaks around the eyes ( wats tat called ? eyeliner , maskara , watever !! ) . designer saree . silver bindi , statrs near the nose , goes all the way upto the middle of the head .
the evil bitch stares at the angel bitch . tada-tada-tada . angel bitch looks at evil bitch . tada tada tada . evil bitch stares at the angel bitch . tada-tada-tada-tada . angel bitch looks at evil bitch . tada tada tada . evil bitch stares at the angel bitch . cont ....

channnel 97

some telgu channel with tamil/bollywood cast.
a fat female , well covered , but with an abundance of "assets" , dancing erotically .
she's supposed to arouse a guy , but i feel like throwing up ..
show me one guy who can get an errection wit that stuff ??!!!

channel 98

this time i see some lady doin the same thing , the bearded dude was doin .
oh no , wait , they are hugging her !
why on earth are they hugging her ?
and now she's talking .
oh ya , its the same crap the bearded bugger was talking about .
what kind of people watch this stuff ?

channel 99

its that same soap .
oh no . no-no . its different .
ok , the sets look the same .
yes definitely the same .
even the clothes look the same .
the theme is the same : tada-tada-tada , every five seconds .
but different females !!
its a diff soap .

lets check . back to 96 .

channel 96 :
five mins and three commercial breaks later , the bitches are still staring at each other !!
and yup tat was a diff soap .
click click

and i'm back where i started .
not a single decent thing to watch !
thanks to our esteemed politicians and few businessmen , i cant watch normal TV .
my basic right to pursuit of happiness is being taken away from me !

i'm pissed , really really pissed .
partially for the kind of nonsense they show on tv . partly for not being able to watch what i want to .

i go back to my room .

<< background score : wonderful world theme , louis armstrong >>

my cosy room . with its sugarcane colored paint , and the window facing a tree , the soft morning sun entering through the grills making a pattern on the floor , with the dust particles flowing in randomness .

and then i sit on my easy chair .
the same chair where i sit , with the headphones on , listening to U2 / clapton / sinatra or watching FRIENDS / Seinfeld reruns , or reading Crichton / Wodehouse , or trying to perform a standup in my head , or even thinking about my non existent lovelife or career .... and i'm transformed into another world .
a peaceful world .
this place aint Utopia .
this place too has its set of sorrow : rejection from women , hot beer , software that doesnt work , chicken that aint tender enough ... and more serious evils like : male pattern baldness and natural disaters .

but atleast these evils are things we cant help abt , and they arent man's inventions .

the world outside . the one that i saw on TV , is so different from my personal world .
in my world , people aren't as STUPID !

they dont give away the responsibility of their own lives to a different person ... whether it is a suave page-3 celebrity , bearded sage , the hugging female , the miracle-creating messenger of the lord , relegion , corrupt politicians , or the chick who needs to take a break frm her k-serials .

it may be hard to change the older ones who have been hardwired with idocy .
but the youth and the yougerones need to make a diff .
they must understand that ....

life does not exist
...... in ancient scriptures , or outdated relegions , or numbers , or stars that are a trillion light years away , or meaningless rituals , or deranged blokes who fake to be gods , or non-sensical abstarct theories , or doing things like a machine without reasoning .

LIFE exists in the PRESNT .
LIFE exists in that puff of air that just touched your upper lip , grazed the hair inside your nose , entered your lungs ; life exists in the sense of feel as your posterior touches the surface of the chair you are sitting on right now ; life exists in your head as you process this article and make sense of it .... life exists in the rays of the soft morning sun , the smell of coffee , the shape of the earthen mug , the depthness of silence , the sound of rehman's music , the humour in seinfeld's jokes , the beauty of wodehouses words , the creativity of intel's and microsoft's engineers .
u just have to appreciate it . free ur mind from all the irrational concepts , believe in the power of your OWN cerebral power , respect it , reason and live life in the present .
bask in the glory of the moment .
and , puruse happiness .
the only apparent goal of our existence .

Saturday, January 14, 2006

TOW .... School Time !!

from 6 to 7 am , on all weekdays , a certain street in the suburban part of the national capital was engaged in a single activity ... a unique mission : " get Sandeep ready for school " !!

now it was not like young sandeep was not "not-keen" on going to school . infact he was very enthusiastic about going there ( saving the hindi class taken by the old mrs.sharma who had given up on teaching him the diff between oo and ooo ; ee and eeee ki matra ! )

the problem was sandeep's attitude towards life . he believed in living in the fast lane . living on the edge . now i would not go as far as calling the young bastard , wild ; cuz though a little rebellious towards meaningless shit , he never did anything wild ( oh ! tat is saving this time when he jumped from a 8 feet wall thinking he'll make it ( disclocated arm , still not fixed ) , and long jumped a 4 feet wide trench yet again thinking he'll make it ( disfigured face , ofcourse now its kind of attractive ) , and the time he drove for 2 kms on a deserted urban street aaaaall by himself post midnite ) ..... ya so he was not exactly wild , though when seen from the frame of refrence of a woman (mommy nair) who prolly as a girl , wud ve had a heart attack had she not done her home work and "set" the school bag with three sharpened pencils , one spare sharpener and extra eraser the night before and gone to sleep by eight ; the things he did , did seem wild !

so every morning sandeep turned into an assembled unit , with each member of the family and neighborhood focussing on attaching a certain component , or handling a certain function .

all hell would break lose when , 25 mins before the school bus arrived to pick up the young genius , mommy nair finds that sandeep who had been up a long time back had not started getting ready !!
now 25 mins was a lot of time in 'sandeep's world ' , but ofcourse the perfectionist madre did not understand that .
and the axn wud begin :

25 mins to go .... sand-man gazes at the morning sky , acting all cool

20 mins to go .... realises he actually mite be getting late . with underwear on his head , would run all around the house searching for a towel and his underwear , screaming and cursing and complaining . mommy nair , wit a ladle in one hand would come to the rescue .

15 mins to go .... realises he dint do the math HW . decides to not tell mommy nair abt it .

12 mins to go .... half way through the math HW . house is too quiet for things to be going fine . mommy nair suspects . finds sandeep not ready yet !! freaks out !!

7 mins to go .... sandeep is all set . well almost . now , all he has to do is : wear clothes , finish two more division sums in math , polish shoes , tie the tie , comb hair , eat breakfast and oh , set the bag !

5 mins to go .... mommy nair is on the verge of crying , for having had a 'son' who had to act so cool . sandeep continues with the division sums . whilst .... mommy feeds breakfast . pappy nair polishes shoes and puts them on , uncle ties the tie , uncle-two brushes the blazer , neighbor-one puts on the shirt buttons , neighbour-two tightens and buckles the belt . all things happening parallely .

2 mins and 46 seconds to go ..... mommy combs hair , sandeep sets the bag .

2 mins to go ..... sandeep is all set . mission accomplished . neighbors hug one another out of joy . mommy nair is crying ( again out of joy ! ) . standing ovation . national theme is played as backscore .

1 min 35 seconds to go .... sandeep tells mommy nair , " oh man ! now i hafta wait . its so boring . see i told ya , i shud not be getting ready this early "