Monday, December 12, 2005

TOW .... the Pacifier

i proved it .
i conducted experiments and i proved it .
the diff bet guys n girls is genetic . its not social .

i've a two yr old cousin sister and a brother .
often . no . always , i'm incharge of handling them , every time the fly decides to meet up .
every member of the fly , keeps outsourcing the job of handling kids to their subordinates , and i happen to be at the end of the grown up line . ( yes , for some vague ass reason , they tink i'm a grown up . HA !! )

so anyway . after a thorough research and collecting emperical facts , i've developed my signture style of handling the little rascals .
lemme edify u wit the same .....


<< HANDLING KIDS - 101 >>

# boys ( the boxer )


> start with boxing . he's bound to retaliate . make sure u've ur AREAS well protected .
> dont fake losing initially , let the guy sweat it out a little .
> ya , now lose . if u've strong cuzins like i do , u may not have to fake it !
> help him climb walls and make him feel like spiderman .
> lift him and make him fly like superman
> become green gobling and let him hit u a little
> if he starts acting too smart , and becomes too proud of his strength ... nail him down .
> show him what is danger . they like that . push him frm the edge of the bed , but make sure u have cushioned the surface wit loads of pillows .
> all guys love dis-assembling and breaking stuff . give him anything that can be dis-assembled , and he'll be so engrossed in destroying it and figuring out how the damn thing works , that u can take a break frm running around him .
> he'll soon get frustrated wit all the futile reverse engineering of complex human inventions , and will either break / shred / throw the object , sayin " wAfatha thi tham blaflu" , roughly translated : " Oh ! To hell with it !! "
> now give him the remote . no boy can stick to a single channel for more than 40 seconds . so he'll start wit pogo , and keep surfing ... sometimes making pitstops , checking out either cars or chicks .
> this is the time u give him food . he'll eat . a lot .
> make him sit on ur paunch , whilst the tv is on . within 120 seconds , he'll be sleeping . i gaurantee tat .

lets revise :
" tire him physically - make him feel like a super hero - let him know tat tho he is the superhero , u can kick his butt if ya wanted to - challenge him mentally - show him wat is adventure sports - let him handle the tv remote - food - bed - stoned !! "

***

# girls ( the princess )

unlike in the case of guys , there is no ONE way of handling them . there are many strategies :

> let her borrow ur mother's or sister's make up box and get her a comb . now sitback , relax and let the lil princess , give u a make over !!
( yes u'll end up lookin like a travestite and most of ur hair wud be missing , but wat the heck , the kid'll be happy , quite and occupied )

> put on POGO or anything tat involves dancing . let the remote be in ur hands . she does not want change of channel .

> listen to her stories . or atleast fake listening to her stories . they will be very long and will betray logic but will be very creative .
( or try wat i do : make sure she's not sitting on the edge of the bed - hold her - now close ur eyes - maybe take a nap - and just nod ur head and make agreeing sounds once in a while )

> she'll want YOU to tell stories . dont panic . jus start of with , " once there was a little princess called ...... " . she'll fabricate the rest . jus keep repeating wat she says .

> u can also play : teacher-teacher , kitchen-kitchen , mummy-mummy etc .
just make sure that u r the student / guest 4 the tea party / kid , respectively .
and jus DO wat she says . or u are in BIG trouble mister .

***

so we see that the behaviour of diff sexes is congenital and not society made .

every boy has a single goal in life untill he is seven , in some cases nine and in some extreme cases 22 .... to DIMANTLE gadgets and to be the STRONGEST MAN in the world !
he is not sure himself , wat he'll achieve by either , but he works towards both relegiously .
he has no patience to tell stories or listen to the crap u want him to listen to.
he has better work to do ... to SAVE the WORLD !!

girls on the other hand , have lots to say and want you to listen .
they are peaceful and creative , as long as they think u are LISTEN-ing to them .
they have to show tat they are doin all the work .
they love fabricating stories .
they dont like change .
and they all think they are godesses !!

yet , daughter's are daddy's princess and guys are mommy's hero !
infact , tho i prefer being always being the COOL UNCLE or the jobless BRO , hypothetically , repeat HYPOTHETICALLY , if i were to ve a kid , i'd pick the little princess .

20 Comments:

At 5:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cho chweet! oh my god! thats the best ever!i m so in awe of you sandeep - neha
ps: i m 20 but can i be ur lil princess??!!:)

 
At 5:50 AM, Blogger scoffes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

gud job!its all so true! really enjoyed tis!as always ... and..u are not a chauvinist at all!!-lyn

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Navin V said...

wats wid all the comments gettin deleted?

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Radha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:05 AM, Blogger Aravindan said...

grt post. inspired by" the pacifier" ????

nice attention to details u pay. and happiness in life is only abt these little details.

btw, the topic i had chosen to present in my communication skills course was also on " cute little kids"!!!!

 
At 11:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi!
Jus read ur blog!Wen did you start liking girls? U cant change! I guess you ve made a mistake while writing the last sentence! There are certain things that can never happen! One among that is you wanting a girl baby!-Rivetia

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice blog you have got here. throughly enjoyed it. Mail me your yahoo id, and do you orkut?

 
At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lmfao!!!

 
At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sucker i know u have no idea about wat u writin in life.

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger The Cake Lover said...

hey u seem to have done a thorough research on this!But I must say I'm gonna keep these points in mind the next time I'm made to baby sit my nephews/nieces! :-)

 
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