Tuesday, March 08, 2005

On P.D. : Philo-Gynist ?

Dedicated to :
Rivetia , Lyn , Pavi , Padla , Sim , Drib , ET , Pram and Palo


It's Woman's day , and no WD can culiminate without me writing some kick-ass article about women !
This time on popular demand , by my female friends , (feckless girls who transform into responsible women fighting for the cause of feminism(watever tat may be)every WD!) , I decided to give a tgt to the theme of the day .

I used a simple algorithm ... for a minute I erased the presence of all females in my life and then rolled the reel of life ...
so how'll Life be without females , let me paint a picture...

the GOOD things :
> we'll be able to watch more movies , as there will be no girls to make plans and then break it !
> with no gifts and paltry other items(viz. ceramic dogs that are ta-tweet or platinum cats that are cho-cute ) , we'll save more and be able to spend the cash on booze , cars and gadgets .
> the word following cut in webster's dictionary will be cutin and not cute ... and there would be no word inbetween sweat and swept !
> ESPN , Cartoon Network and DiscoveryEngineering will be the only channels playing on TV .
> we can open each other's bags (in search for food) without discovering anything that we shud not have !
> there will be no pressure to build better bodies , wear good clothes , get funky hair-do ... short-fat-bald-men like me will also lead happy lives !
> we'll perform better , as the time spent on (1)fixing things screwd up by women ,(2)thinking about women , (3)thinking on why we think about women .... can be channelled to some fecund activity .
> we can finally be ourselves , and not try to act like some nice-emotional-sensitive-caring person that we can not be !
> life will be very simple ... there'll be no fights , no confusion , no misunderstanding .
> we'll not have to answer dead-end questions like :
Why did u call me ?
Why dint u call me ?
Why dont u understand me ?
Why are u so rude ? ...etc , etc , etc

> everyone will jus chill ... have booze , talk about sports , make monster machines and watch porn ...Oh-oh ...I knew there was a catch ... there wud be no porn !!!! ... now lets come to ->

The BAD things :

> there will be no normal porn !
> we'll never be able to finsish our assignments on BST (BST = IST + 5weeks . BST-boys std time) ... as there would be no girl's assignment to copy from .
> even in the event that some girly-guy does manage to somehow do the assignment , the other's will fail to copy , as we wont know whom to flick the pens from !
> no one will enter physics/electronics lab , as there will be no girls to lend us scales , pencils and erasers !!
> even if we do enter , we wont know where to copy the readings from ! ... so we'll kill time using our math-smart brains to manipulate the readings .
> cs lab class will be all about fiddling with the mouse's balls , and talking about sports on the network .
> we'll prob make the girliest guy of the class dress up like carmen electra and get a boob-job done ... if he doesn't acquiesce to our demands (with no girl to stop us) we'll prob kill him . so there'll be a lot of blood-shed around.
> Businesses will crash like 'nobody's business' .... cho-chweet-items chops (i'm sorry , i mean shops ), novelty shops , jewellers , garment industry , footwear , TV channels , sparkler-pen industry , stationery shops ... even gyms , hair-saloons( with nobody to impress who'd want an awesome body or hairdo) ... basically every enterprise that has nothing to do with-> liquor , electronics , software and cars ...will close shops !
> BryanAdams (everythin I do ...whom do i do it for ?) , LionelRithcie(Hello ...whom am i luking for ?) , EricClapton ( Blue eyes Blue ...Whose?) ... all will be uprooted . Rock and Metal might survive , but without females there will be no frustration , so ultimately they'll annihilate too .
> Life will be too simple , without women there will be no controversies , no disputes ... life will become too boring ... and MAN without his complement(AntiMan=Women) will fail the battle of survival to boredom !

So the bottom line is that , though we make fun of them all the time (cuz (1)they take life way more seriously than it shud be taken ,(2) they spend(and make us spend) way too much on fake-dogs and its likes than they shud be ,(3) they complicate life by thinking way too much ) ... we do need them ( and not just to borrow stationery from !!) , but bcuz that is the nature of life ... balance must be maintained ... for yin to survive , yang must exist !!

***

On a serious note ( rivetia,palo,drib...u reading? ) ... women's day is not a day when priveleged girls and women stand up to kick men's ass for no reason .
Women's day is a day to remind all human beings , that men and women are equal ... this day is an annual wake up call to the soceity(men and women alike) ....asking them to ...
> to educate that young girl with dreamy eyes in rural Rajasthan
> to banish ridiculous laws of ancient religions(Hinduism,Islam,Christianity...all alike) , and let women live a normal life (be it LA , NY or on the streets of Tehran )
> to give a life to the nubile girl in Bihar(or even urban Chennai) whose parents cant afford the burden of dowry
> to kill the monster who raped a girl in Delhi and got away with it !
> to give basic human rights to the females in Afghanistan !

That's wat WD is all about .
It's not a day wen lucky-verymuchpriveleged girls (like u ppl) get together to eat , bitch abt other women , celebrate womanhood , and call sandeep a male-chauvanistic-bastard !

7 Comments:

At 7:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice blog!! so typically you!keep up the good work!- drib

 
At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

awesome post dude. though i have been reading your blog from the very day u started writing , this is the first time i'm leavin a comment."male-chauvanistic-bastard !" are cool guys dude. anyways keep the gud work goin on

 
At 12:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Mr.Scoffes
I have always admired your blogs[this one too] though i know that you are a male chauvinistic -------[fill it up yourself] n your writings are "mostly" anti-women.I donot agree with most of your ideas as usual.Anyways keep up the good work. - You know who i am.

 
At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good work, dude. But you missed an important point. What about sexual intercourse?

Er... i think the aforementioned statement results in women boiling down to sex objects.

Er...i think i just branded myself a male chauvinstic bastard.

Er...is that a female chauvinist pig..i mean, feminist,...i see standing by my window with a knife?

 
At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm getting mad love, I'm snuggling hugs

Smuggling drugs, juggling jobs, guzzling jugs

So here's a toast to federal checks

Hetero sex, unaffordable medical debts,

We travel in packs, ravel in pacts and gravel in cracks

To find babbling facts, gaffling tracks

I grapple an axe for them baffling acts

The mysterious stab in the backs of who dabble in wax

Still in my yard when I sculpted the culprit

The MAN that will end up with his mind split

Butterfingers is here and it's necessary to scratch it

All I wanna do is sip on gin n juice

Smoke a little bit and follow one of you
Back home when the party ends

So tonight I'm dropping naughty hints

To the finest women who be reading this"

 
At 6:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well a good post. So u agree that guys can neither be cute nor sweet?? And i always thought guys had to booze coz they had to get over with the frustration a woman gives them. I guess habits die hard. PS: How much i wish there was some day called MALE CHAUVANISTS day so thatwe all fairer sex ppl outthere could get even with guys like u.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Aravindan said...

nice one.

u might have ended up doing more analysis than self claimed fuzzy feminists

that was awesome.

 

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