TOW ... the PENishment !!

I hate pens .
I've always hated pens .
They are tools made on order by 'Satan' himself , and sent to earth to tear down the tranquility of this place by doing that malicious " disappearing act " of theirs .

How they do that thing they do , has been one of the greatest mysteries and myths of this world ; and mankind has a long way to go before we crack this mystery and find a solution for the sake of humanity.

And they are called stationery ????!!!
Of all the possible combination of a sequence of letters , the creators of English had to get a name that sounded like stationary ?! Every man in his right senses knows that pens are anything but stationary.
They are these little devils in disguise who reside in your trouser or shirt pockets for the first two hours of college ( when you dont need to write anything anyways ) and just disappear from the face of the earth , leaving no clue behind , when you need them the most , say when you have to write a crucial REtest for a retest , or an assignment that was to be submitted the week before the last week , or when writing down a girls phone no on your palm (which by the way will fade away by the time you copy it to a permanent storing thing ).

Those who have siblings know well about " pen fights " .
For those who dont : its a fierce battle fought between two really angry humans(?!) for proprietary rights of the pen.
If its a sister and a younger one, you've lost the battle b4 its even fought ( but the fact that u still fight is a different thing altogether ).
Girls have this huge collection of fancy erasers, barbie pencils , sparkle pens with colors ranging from 'mera wala' goldenish silver to 'tera wala' blackish white . And they r highly possessive about it .
But the good news is that u can always borrow a pen from a girl . They have enuf pens to go round the sun four times if connected from tip to tail .
My sister's pencil box has everything under the sun , over the moon ,on the stars etc etc .
. everything .
I'm certain that Saddam Hussein hid all his WMDs in my sister's pencil box .

The fight is not just between siblings . the evil pen can bring down the whole house too.
and it all starts with "the" pen that is supposed to be "there", next to the phone and the phone book .
.that damn pen .
the same pen that you bought with your canteen money , that you didnt use for the love of the family and peace of the house .
it just stood up and walked off, or stretched its wings and flew , or just went invisible using that dirty trick it learnt.
and who is blamed ? ...... YOU . innocent you . because you are supposed to be the college going guy n is supposed to handle all the stationery needs of the house.
They call you by names and use really abusive words like "careless" , "irresponsible" , " indifferent" , "slapdash ".... and you , in spite of the vast vocabulary you have feel helpless , coz nobody is going to believe that "the pen", that so called "non-living" thing can be guilty of this deleterious , malevolent, malign ,loathsome , atrocious "crime".
Its one of those times when you feel like a one legged guy competing in a butt kicking competition .

One of my friends never has to go thru this ordeal, coz his dad lost a Mont Blanc !!!!
that makes me wonder , why do people buy Mont Blanc pens ?!
I dream of Ferraris n Porsches , Armani suits , Ralph Lauren shirts , Okley glasses and Rolex watches . But never , never of a Mont Blanc pen .
Even if they gave me all the cash on earth i wudnt buy that .
'Coz given my rate of losing pens ,the loss will tantamount to the GDP of Luxemburg !!!! n that's per week.

How does one become a "pen scientist" ?
By the way , they suck .
They can invent pens , that have meters (why do u need that ?!) ; that can make u fall in love whilst u r writing ; that can make u a hit with ur boss ; that can make you look lexi or sexy ; that have French designing and Russian missile technology ; that can make you a HIfier ; that can make you jump with joy 4 no reason at all .....
but not one pen ,
not one goddamnit pen ... that can STAY IN MY POCKET for jus 24 hours !!!
I hate pens .
<>

Scoffes
( the author is the creator of "www.ihatepensandbritneyspears.com" )