TOW ...Fuddha and all that jazz

Mankind needs a , " new leader " !!
I'm starting my own cult .
Buddhism wit a F .
" Fuddhism " .
"F " for fun,froloic,fad,fab,feast and fush!
Fuddhism :-
is about achieving your own internal happiness instead of blindly following the words of others.
has no Gods (other than Fuddha ,and that's me), or goddesses, archangels, demons(again except Fuddha), mythological beasts, or cyborgs from the future .
is appealing to the ultra-rational, scientifically trained ,light-hearted, peace-loving ,MTV and Cartoon Network watching people .

Fuddha's Noble Truths :
# Life can suck.
There's disease, cycle tests , expensive canteen food , sadistic teachers, hardworking peers , semester exams and death.
We miss out on all the good stuff in attempting to protect ourselves from the bad. .

# All goals circumscribe around joyfulness and serenity .
People always end up living for tomorrow .
You get it in your head that you want things, and your mind then becomes an instrument for chasing those things , forgetting that the ultimate goal is to have fun .

# Use Greedy Algorithm
Is Fuddhism a pessimistic religion ? No.
Fuddha says," Find a way to rid yourself off suffering" .
There is no garuntee that you will find a way but atleast it's better than sitting and whining about it.

# To rid yourself of suffering, you must follow the seven-fold Path.


The Seven-fold Path

The whole reason for becoming Fuddhist is to achieve happiness and become "enlightened."
In order to do this, you must follow the seven-fold Path.
01> Be cool:
Maintain equanimity and be sang-froid , even if your morning tea is too strong and your omelete turns black ; or its post midnight , you have a crucial test the next day and you don't know even the name of the module ; or apocalypse is imminent and you realise that you are still a virgin .
02> Be Logical :
Reason out . Be Rational .
Read "Logic and Combitronics" By Rosen , to start with .
03> Beat the blues:
Listen to music . Classics , rock, hip-hop , country .... anything but pop.
Watch Friends, Seinfield , SouthPark and baby loony toones .
Read sacred texts like "Don't stand too close to a naked man!" by TimAllen ; or the " Jeeves series " by P.G.Wodehouse.
And , if nothing helps , Watch Porn . period.
04> Right Speech:
Swear a lot . That keeps your BP low .
Also don't feel offended if others use foul language.You just get fouler.
Always keep a few words in reserve to be used in case you really want to swear
05> Do not trust anyboby :
Its a big bad world .
Be friendly and help others , but trust no one .
Also , Don't do anything to somebody that you don't want to be done to you (chicken ofcourse is an exception) .
06> Nothing is done untill its done :
Don't vouchsafe that sigh of relief untill you are absolutely sure that the problem has been solved .Remember, Anything can happen .
07> Buddhist Precepts with nuances :
a.Don't kill . man or beast : chicken is not beast , so its ok to eat chicken and anybody who does bad to you can't be considered man , so its ok to kill your enemies but don't get caught.
b.Don't steal : But if somebody else steals your pen or calculator , it's ok to steal his.
c.Don't lie : However if a lie does more good than bad ->lie.
d.Don't cheat on your loved ones : But if they cheat on you , give them a taste of their own medicine and let them realize it's bitter.
e. Don't take drugs or smoke : Drink instead . But remember , it's highly fatty , so you must workout accordingly. And don't drink on duty or while driving .

Afterword :
Mellow out. Enjoy life. Rejoice in the absence of a great burden of rules and doctrines.
Discovering Fuddhism isn't the beginning of your search for wisdom, and taking refuge in the Fuddha won't be the end.
Say Peace ,
FUDDHA.